I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
