Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
