Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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