I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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