Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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