I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
