Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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