I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
