You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
