Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
