I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
