why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
