I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
