Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize