life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
