I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He better not be in your backpack
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
