This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
