There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
