if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
