I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
