Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
