I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
