Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
