I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
