I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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