I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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