apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
