I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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