I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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