he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
