so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
