I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
