Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize