her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize