Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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