The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
