The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
