My nipple is on Facebook.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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