After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
