Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
