Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
