I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
