fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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