Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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