so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
