okay pat passed out under dana's car
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
