he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
