My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No subtext here. People are naked.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
