Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
