Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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