I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
