my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
