Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
