Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
