What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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