Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
