They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
