May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
