Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
