Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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