I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
