He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
