she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
