she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
