that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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