she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this hospital has no fireball
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
